Then we agree to have a LAT relation But he never visit me in my new home. D and coping with leaving a sociopath husband. He knew exactly how to use that to gain control of me, and soon we had the same old dynamics going. My exs dad is schizophrenic and so is one of his brothers. Eden, I had the same type of story he wasnt physically abusive all the time and also one hit was enough (Im not a fighter) to make me cry I stayed and endured everything until last time he punched me in the eye, almost had to go to the hospital he cried then said was sorry then said will change he behave less than a week then he started to argue with me again over nothing had to move out, puta restraining order and STILL wanted to stat with me. Things that remind my of him. Her mom and I have let her know she is not alone and this is HIS problem. He didnt move hug me or clinch. Dont even say yes if they ask you something. Indeed they can, Baffled. I have recently come out of an on and off, up and down, side to side relationship with a Narc male dragged on for 1.5 years. If you cant do it for urself, do it for ur son. It is deep in the night. I had seen a therapist for the first couple of months and he had diagnosised my ex as borderline. I just think he knows everything I do for him and no one else will be that way what do you think. You need to work on your self worth. Thanks for sharing. He wants the house but I am not budging and he is freaking. He then said he didnt plan to kill me he just wanted to see my reaction. My way of thinking is my life is my life. When he gives me the old lets meet for dinner line I tell him yea when I free up. Donald Trump, Roger Stone, and Associates have a better chance of success. He kept his ex gf pining after him and would act as if i was being insecure, when really he was instigating the attention he would receive as a means to look more desirable. Wow it really is hard to process it all and yes so hard to get over it when a lot of the relationship was so good. Do they send clues or try to spy to see if you are still alive? In stark contrast to what Ive written above, unlike what I have read about other narcissists, he never discarded me (he would get angry and yell its over during an argument, but would always call to reconcile within minutes). Ive been reading about this all morning. Even though its recently ended, he has tried to regain contact, to which I originally thought he must want control over me again. (this is allowed by law, as opposed to you are the NPD, in this country, at least). You can make that decision according to how your breakup happened and how you feel during this process. Mine too he literally dumped me off at a new townhouse with our daughter and said goodbye! I just told her I was sincerely sorry for the news and hung up. He is hoovering and still active and persistant about it even since hes moved back with Kym. I am interested in 4) as I am not entering into any direct conversation with the narcissist on any level whatever even his offer is manifesting in my life in defencive ways so no I dont care to know what he thinks it would however be interesting if he would carry out this task how he resolves what we are to make a fresh start would be interesting for him to think about but I would not and never would read it however mindful that his words would be like poison and reading them akin to that sushi made from poisonous fish. I know he was abused by his Dad growing up and thats why he has this disorder. Reading Suggestion: How to take control away from a Narcissist? 2. More posts from r/NarcissisticAbuse Let your integrity speak for itself! February 8, 2021 by Zan. Why? Firstly above all. To this day h will not admit this, I have even exchanged emails and texts with the woman who he had the affair with. Im so confused. He lies and lies and covers with excuses and tries to deflect blame. excessive use of exclamation points One thing in my favor is that I dont feel in love with my narc anymore, but I do feel a lot of compassion and friendship for him. Any thoughts?? I am seeing thats it really isnt me. He moved right into her place. if you imagine this group like stars in the galaxy the abusers feel like orbiting black holes I have to keep well away from them its exhausting and so I have never felt in the correct mental place to clip into my glider and take off to fly to do that you need to have your mind up there in the clouds free and clear thinking about the birds and feeling only the air you need to be free and I have not been now for more than 6 months and diminished for a year before that, So if this is anything it is an attempt to move forward and try to step further away from what happened and to be honest I really feel I need some support I feel very vulnerable and alone this whole thing has destroyed my sense of community I have no casual social contact with any of the pilots who I know talk a bit together every day I have none of that I see a small group once a week in the pub where we just talk about stuff like normal people its them who admonished me for wanting to ignore this offer and so it was this my last foothold that fell away when I asked for advice normal people simply do not understand the dynamic of NPD explaining it makes you seem like a total nutter, I know I am taking a risk I know that this is common behaviour this coming back it is destabilising a fragile but doggedly tenacious recovery but I also realise its only me who is going to recover no one is going to do it for me and so like in that quote from my book I am doing a thing and shutting my eyes in hope that it will be better somehow. And then text message that i still want to have peace with another. They want to think they have the option, even if only in their own minds,to come back someday. How she was never to blame and how I wasnt really her type. over and over. Relationships with narcissists have a cycle to them that plays out again and again. Something a very strong voice told me to not get romantically involved with him, and so we were just friends. when he sees me strong wants me back just to see if he can. Eden your post could have been written by me. Answer (1 of 5): One of the worst fears a narcissist has is being exposed . . However, I cant and wont tolerate slanderous accusations, blaming and unnecessary and constant fault finding/criticism. I will survive. Maybe that is part of the problem. Ok nw i feel miserable and have to take myself up. It is her way of getting back at the people who raised her. I want him out but no success so far. I accept that I will never be in a romantic relationship with him again and my new relationship feels steady, good, and normal. There is someone good out there for you that wont drive you crazy. Its hard to explain little signs, like him not sitting on couch with me, but with her. When things sounds to good to be true they usually are. RodMan, TRUST ME when I say this new guy is getting it too. Eden, I havent read all your posts.did you ever tell him he was abusive? When he was leaving me, i asked him what he wanted to do with the brand new freezer hed bought me to replace mine that quit two months prior and he told me to keep it. Knowledge is power! Samantha, one reason is that they cant show their true colors to the new supply. document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Free Training 7 Proven Strategies to Defeat Narcissistic Abuse. That may be whats happened with you. When the narcissist eventually comes back, theres plenty of supply waiting to be imparted. You are well aware that they mistreated you when you were together. 99% of us do, but the good thing is that you realize he will never change and youve blocked him for good. Even after examining all of the pieces, I still love this man and feel connected to him. As to the rest of them, with higher or lesser degree of sadism, seeing the Narc actions, as a result of unconscious is exactly what gets/keeps people in trouble. 18 years late and I cant take this any more I do not know how to get away from this nightmare I have 2 daughters who r watching me fall apart .we spilt u 3 Years ago but everyday he breaks me down I have no one my mom was just as bad as he is. Protect yourself and your children but be very wise about it. These people have NO true sense of self so they, like chameleons, change to impress the new supply, but eventually their true pathology will come out. As a side note, I had a little sexcapade a few days before with a friend, who left a passion mark on my neck and one right where the blouse crisscrossed on my chest that I didnt bother to try to hide. Id like to think Im smarter than that, especially after this experience, but idk anymore. its not fair that you de-friended me on FB. After again a night no sleep but now really heavy anxiety. Theyll text, call, send you emails and flood your DMs with their foolishness. But watching and feeling the love drain from me over a year long period and seeing him in his truer persona has been extremely difficult. So, O sent him a mail as well as a letter. I knew I loved this person and I felt deep in my heart his sadness and loneliness (so was my understanding.) Then he apologized and wanted to be friends. He was trying to destroy me, and I fought back. Ive been reduced to syrup! Through talking with friends and learning about the situation i am in, i believe i will and can brave the storm. My N ex left me. However, he is trying hoovering to get me back. When it comes to severing ties with him. Still dont know how to explain that to him. Looking back from 20 years ago he had many female friends, and he is also good friends with his ex-GF. I spoke to him by email and regretted it. When I finally put my foot down and opened my own bank accounts because I was tired of him keeping us broke I was being selfish. While I have grown stronger and finally did tell my Mom (I needed her support to get through this) it is still difficult to end a 20 year marriage that has been superficially good. The end of our relationship with them was likely horrific in some way. Where they accuse you of not making sense. My N left me for her boss. Ive read through all the stories and cried for all of those whove suffered so much, and smiled for those whove triumphed and learned to come out of the haze of pain. Not only were they kind, caring, giving, and compassionate, but they gave you the best sex of your life. 1. What does that mean, as i am no native english speaker. What woman would fall for that coming from a married man with two small children?? I think he has a touch of something. Pray to Jesus Carole. He only told vicious lies about me and blamed me for his infidelity and drug use because I didnt or couldnt make him happy enough. When i came home after two days. One I hope I Never have to Repeat or go through Ever again, I only hope we can all learn to Heal from this Hurt, Damage, Devistation & Destruction they have reaped on us all, Remember YOU saw all YOUR Beautiful Qualities, Your Strength, & All Your Love Reflecting Back at You, when you fell in Love with them, That was perfectly put. Unfortunately he knows my pickup and plate number! He couldnt deny the behaviors and traits fit. Unlike your ex, mine doesnt cop to anything hes done. Then, the narcissist will go to all your mutual friends, and if theyre really brave, your family members and start telling them how much of a terrible partner you were and how they suffered at your hands. I am finally feeling free but I know when his latest partner has her fill he will come looking for me. At this point your Narcissist has gotten what they wanted - contact. And the story will repeat again, maybe shell catch him and get out instead of staying like I did for 4 years. Also, relationship between the BPD and NPD. Process of Elimination: Understanding the Why of the Narcissist After the Discard | Rehashbrowns, FAQ Does the Narcissist Miss You After No Contact? Related Reading: What Is Narcissistic Abuse - Signs & Healing. The worst emotional pain imaginable caused me to lose 30 lbs I didnt need to lose. Our family had never fallen out until Dad died. I kept going back to my feelings and not seeing the reality of what happened to me. I realize the relationship was a major setback for you and I really am sorry. My ex narc was gone for a month before he called me to discuss a chest freezer he bought me that I was going to sell to his mother.he wanted me to just give her my freezer, oh, which by the way was no longer mine because I wanted to sell it to his mother. Say to him to stay away for ever and nothing to do with him anymore. Last Updated on January 31, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. Putting down all the positives I was doing. Now, where I once remained madly in love with my abuser, I see him for the weak person that he really is. Trust me. I thought we had resolved our differences. Well, he is now seeing another woman up the street from me. I only gave him a year and a half of my time which was a year and a half too long but still, Im really thankful I didnt get knocked up by the guy. See if they can provide you with transitional housing until you can get on your feet. I think my Narc was surprised at how much I knew. The next day, i found the remote, so I texted him just to tell him not to bother looking for it. She was in a relationship with someone new. I need and love my music, my family (were not even going to get into their screwiness) I need and love them also, my friends share the same sentiment. Your article helped me tremendously understand exactly what is happening to me and every word you said is exactly what Im going through. ************ This man left our family in shambles I dont even want to look at him let alone joke around with him. Doing my research I found him on numerous dating sites. I did try to fix him. One month of No Contact and my ex hasn't contacted me yet. Mine seemed disinterested and almost pretended they were not there. Even at sixty five she turned heads. Hi Taniel. I tend to be biased, I guess, because my Ex is one of the malignant ones, and I often leave out the fact that not all Narcissists are as sadistic as my Ex. I have bit of health issues, PTSD. Yet friends are telling me they have never seen him happier. But he always had something nasty or condescending to say. If I can be so bold as to say that there some part of you doesnt love yourself as much as you should, and/or you have boundary issues. Thanks you all for the helpful advise. Told him finally that I want to move on and hearing from him was preventing that and causing me pain. Any other advise would be greatly appreciated. We share a dog together and she makes me feel guilty when I dont want her to come around to see the dog because she doesnt take care of it full-time. -Their way or the highway Yes, Kim is right, the label doesnt matter, but the healing is important. I still think of him, sometimes daily. Once we begin to really and truly love ourselves, we come to realize that what they did to us was unacceptable. For ex, I mentioned above, that NPD and Psycos dont go back to idealisation after the devaluing, but they may switch back to good behaviour, from time to time, if they still need the pray (because not all is sucked out of the person yet). The pendulum. Now i have to start all over again:-(. On top of that he lied on all his financials and Mr. Millionaire is paying 1/2 the child support he should and living between his four houses while my daughter and I share a small room at my mothers. When you click on SEND.. its sooo sad feeling. Thats my new motto Life begins after No Contact You can do this. I wish I could get that part back, but alas. I told to myself by Reading all those storys here i will never let him get to me like that and now he haves his way again. So empty. Stay strong!! Others who actually saw things go down actually stepped up to say what happened. My new bf had a psychology background and I felt very free sharing stories of my ex with him. As for him, I outsmarted him and received closure. We have gone through a lot so we are stronger then ever and then most couples. Suddenly a new supply I was thrown to the wolves. Shouting that has a lot of problems on his head and how dare i claim him so much i was embarassed for my family to hear so i said with a harder voice to go through him.. `Yes my mother is ok she is worried but feels good.!! All done to hide who they really are & what they are actually doing to you, PURE EVIL, This is however not about us See, before he went to my landladys house, he didnt really know I was purposely in no contact mode. He started so many arguments before bed and then would just roll over and sleep while I lay there in complete anxiety. I was married for 23 years, knew her for 25. He is tired of my games, so I said enough with the bs Im worth more then this and I want more then this, I felt stuck and thats no way to live. He will know how tough life has been, Id hear how HE didnt hear back from me, hes found an amazing new partner and imply how alike she is to me. Even if she loses and never pays me a dime, I need to move forward with the lawsuit if for no other reason than to regain my self respect and get my family jewels back. Am I bounding myself too much? I went NC in March when I broke up with him, even changed my # and he sent me a scathing email. The peak end rule. The problem is that it can get synced up with the narcissistic abuse cycle so that the level of dopamine in the brain drops when we are not in contact with the narcissist. You probably want to feel like he has some kind of feelings inside so he has some humanity inside and you would feel more connected if he was also suffering. I have gone through the shock, the anger, the grief, the self blame and have learned so much about myself..my strength and resilience, and ability to love. I love being your pain. Unfortunately, we are the ones who need to leave. Sometimes I miss him (because he was very good to me at times). One wonders too how this fresh start would manifest for his little group of facilitating sidekicks maybe 4 or 5 other people who have acted more or less abusively in tandem with the narcissist would the fresh start to be exclusively with the narcissist or with this whole team is his offer the result of some consensus between these people that they all agree they have acted abusively and they are somehow sorry and wish to help repair the damage. You mentioned a narcissist long lists of supply and he has that. You cant control the narcissist or know what he or she is thinking. I nicely let him know what his sister told me about him: she said he was narcissistic, emotionaly abusive and manipuative. I lost contact with all other family members. Yes, I truly thought she may have been my soul mate after all, although even then I was skeptical at how extremely clingy she was. My ex pulled the same crap. Where you can .. on. Although, sometimes he tried to help me. Because of this, I like to think of the final discard on the part of the narcissist as a myth, a hypothetical idea. Good luck. Feeling rejected, (we all know how they hate that) he sent me a nasty email. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your experience. And they are not happy in their new life. Havent heard a peep, which suits me fine. But then at some moments it comes back and i miss him. My own adult children are invisible. What I know is that narcissism really exists on a spectrum, although its easier and useful to think of narcissism as categories of individuals. I was always the one who would make first contact. Hes cheated on me multiple times and then come home to tell me how many times they had sex and how incredible it was. I am not alive anymore. Even in relationships with normal, mentally healthy individuals, that is the case. Im sure this has been a tough time for you, and it has been for me as well. I cut him off at least 4 times the first 3 years I tried to be friends. Indirect manipulation. Ignore it. Instead he squeezed qll heirlooms, I hey, and family outborvm blurs. Theyll start being overly nice by buying you gifts, and taking you out. Remember, he suffers from a disorder that can get out of hand. Multiple times and then text message that I want him out but no success so far of thinking is life! Trying hoovering to get me back on FB was thrown to the new supply I was married for 23,. Her I was sincerely sorry for the weak person that he really is to feelings. Finally feeling free but I know he was abused by his Dad growing up and thats why he has disorder. 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